Do you usually wait for your husband to make the first move toward sex rather than initiating it yourself?
If so, this passivity in the bedroom can lead to these destructive patterns in your marriage:
Click the tabs below to reveal the Patterns and Solution:
You are interested in sex but you don’t initiate.
Because sex makes men feel loved and needed, your lack of initiation makes him concerned about your love/need for him. To reassure himself, he begins to approach you more often for sex.
You feel pressured and avoid sex by turning him down. He then becomes more worried and approaches more often.
The cycle worsens as your sexual desire plummets as you feel more pressured.
You want sex less often than your husband so you rarely initiate.
He wants sex more often so he approaches you more often. You feel pressured and often say “no,” but occasionally you say “yes.” Over time, he begins to approach you more frequently for sex because he wants to get through all your “no’s” as quickly as possible so he can finally get to your “yes.”
Now you really feel pressured and your desire for sex drops even further, leading you to say “no” more often before you finally say “yes.” He then asks for sex even more frequently because there are now more “no’s” to get through before your “yes” finally happens. The cycle worsens as you begin to believe that all he cares about is sex.
Here’s how to prevent or reverse these intimacy-robbing patterns.
Become an initiator in the bedroom, just like the Shulammite was in the Song of Songs in the Bible. She creatively made the first move with her husband.
To help you get your Shulammite groove going, sign up for the “Dare of the Month” by following the steps outlined below.
There are separate sign-up lists for the Dare of the Month and for the CWIVES Blog. The box below will sign you up to receive the Dare of the Month. To also receive the CWIVES Blog, click here to go to the CWIVES Blog sign up page, or look for the blog sign-up form in the right sidebar on various pages.
Sign up in the box to the right to receive a monthly email containing the Dare of the Month. You will receive a confirmation e-mail that you must reply to in order to confirm your subscription.
The subject line in the email dares will say “Dare of the Month,” but the email message itself will be rated PG or PG-13, so carefully consider the email address you use. If your email is a business or family account and you don’t want your boss, husband or kids to read the Dares, consider setting up a free web-based account solely for receiving them (e.g., Google Mail).
The Dares will not be available for public viewing on the CWIVES website because we don’t want a husband to read them in advance and then miss out on the joy of being surprised by his wife.
The Dare of the Month will be just that—a dare for you to choose to either take or not take. If you take the dare, you will be initiating some type of sexual encounter with your husband. You might be dared to buy a box of Red Hots and leave them in your husband’s car with a sexy note attached, or you might be dared to plan a picnic for just the two of you in your bedroom.
Sometimes, there will be a Double Dare as well. For example, the dare could be the bedroom picnic while the Double Dare could be to show up naked for the picnic. The dare will not be overly graphic or rated R or X. It’s supposed to get you started, and then you can figure out what to do next.